October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. To all of the women that have experienced such a tragic loss, many of whom I know and have grieved with, and to the women out there reading this that have known the pain of losing a baby, I pray for you today.
We are coming up on our 3 year anniversary of our loss, and it is still such a real and painful loss for us. For the women that have experienced this great pain, it is something that will be with you forever. There are a few things that I have learned from our loss that have given me HOPE and that have spoken to my heart:
1. We will see our baby again one day in heaven. Until then, she's hanging with Jesus and there is no other better place she could be.
2. That experience taught me that you never truly know what someone is going through in life. For every woman that has had to go through this unspeakable experience - every story is different. For us, we were heartbroken when we found out our baby didn't make it. I had to deliver our little one and we were at the grocery store to buy things to prepare for this unspeakable event in our lives and I was literally walking around the store looking at the list from our doctor and just feeling complete.... numbness. I can't think of another word or feeling; it's that everything was just blank to me. The only feeling I had was a deep grieving heavy heart and everything else just felt numb, like it didn't exist. Every person I walked passed, every person I gave a blank stare to, every person I accidentally bumped with my cart - they had no idea what I was going through. They had no idea of the years and heart wrenching negative pregnancy tests that I endured and the prayers that went into this wee one. To them, I was probably a rude woman that bumped their arm and didn't apologize. To them I was the zombie woman walking aimlessly through the store and seeing right through them. They didn't know. How could they know. They didn't know me. They didn't know our story. That experience has taught me to have more compassion and empathy for people. When the waitress is just not on her game that night, or when the cashier doesn't speak 2 words to me during checkout, or when the person I smile at doesn't smile back - it may be that they are just rude jerks, but it could be so much more. That experience taught me to not see what is happening on the outside, but to pray for what may be happening on the inside. To give grace. To be more understanding.... because you just never know.
3. That experience taught me more about God's love than I have ever experienced or felt before. I have never felt His presence more in my life and He continues to teach me wonderful marvelous things about hope, strength, and love.
If you have been touched by loss, if you have experienced the great pain and heartache that this journey affords, I pray for you today. I pray that you cry, and let yourself cry. I pray that you share your story, because there are so many women (and men) affected by this great pain and it's great to have the support and I pray that if you don't know God, that you open your heart to Him, because it is easier to go through these tough experiences in life with the HOPE, COMFORT & LOVE that only He can give.
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