Frito Feet and the Run Across the Bridge

When I think of the rainbow bridge, I see a beautiful arch with 6 vibrant rainbow colors. It’s draped over the sky and in the foreground there is this bright white wooden bridge with railings on both sides that, at first, has a slight incline to it. Then, in the middle there is this long stretch where the dogs can pick up speed and then it ends with a steep decline so that when a dog crosses over it, they can take a flying superman leap into the green grass and wildflowers that lie just beyond. I imagine that when their padded Grinch Frito feet hit the ground, butterflies and birds burst into the air and the chase is on! From there, lots of leaping through tall grass and terrorizing squirrels and rabbits commence and the food….. Boy is there food. From the peanut butter stuffed chewies to cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets, to every kind of freeze dried meat possible – the dogs are loving it.

While our beloved dogs are whole, happy, and healed, and doing zoomies over the bridge, we are left behind grieving the loss of our furry family member. Research says that losing a beloved pet can be just as difficult as losing a family member or person that we loved.

According to the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Study, “We forge bonds with our pups that are very comparable to the bonds we form with people. Our brains interpret these bonding activities in the same way; our bodies produce the exact same hormones when we bond with dogs as when we bond with people. This is why your pup begins to feel just like family to you. The same chemical processes are taking place that would if you were speaking to a person and in the case of losing a dog, you have to let go of a creature you have a deep bond with”.

 

I lost my heart dog, Max, last year. He fought a courageous battle with prostate cancer and gained his angel wings at 10 years old. Max was my little love. We don’t have kids and Max and his brother Sammy Lammington are like kids to us. They bring us joy, we hurt when they hurt, and they pretty much own us and run our lives and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

I did a lot of pre-grieving before Max passed away. I would find myself outside in our backyard crying my heart out to God, the deer and to the cranes in the surrounding wheat fields,  wondering how I was going to get through losing him. I didn’t know how. Max had been by my side for a quarter of my life after all and he had seen me through very difficult circumstances. He was my protector, my face licker-offer, and he was my constant shadow for a decade. I pre-grieved losing Max. I would make sure to shed my tears when I was alone so I didn’t upset him or Sammy and would escape to the bathroom or outside whenever I felt overwhelmed or just needed to let it out.

Pre-grieving or anticipatory grief is grief that occurs before death. I had never experienced this before and not everyone experiences anticipatory grief in this way. For the ones that do, they may find themselves on a roller coaster of emotions wondering how the death is going to occur or what to expect. They may find that they experience anxiety about what it is going to be like, and questioning how they are going to go on without their loved one. For me, this is what I experienced the most. I clung to my faith and that is how I was able to get through it but I remember there were days where I would need to focus hour by hour, and even minute by minute, to get through my anticipatory grief.

The thing with pets is sometimes we are dealt the hand of having to make the decision when that final day is going to be. Sometimes we have to help our beloved pet along to cross the rainbow bridge and it’s a decision unlike any other. Most of the time, with people, the decision is out of our hands. But with pets, many of us are left with making that final decision and it can be a difficult one.

One thing that really helped me when pre-grieving Max was being able to do special things that would allow me to remember him after he had passed. I made sure to cut off some of his beautiful black & white fur and tied it with a red ribbon as a keepsake. I put it in a baggy and it sits in my “Max treasure box” along with his favorite toys, puppy teeth and other treasures.

I did paw prints on canvas and took a mold of his nose which I had turned into a key chain so his crooked little nose goes with me everywhere. Something else I did was set up professional pictures to be taken of Max, Sammy, my husband and I so we had family pictures together. The last thing I made sure to do during my pre-grieving was to make sure that I told Max everything I wanted him to know.

I made sure Max knew everything. I told him how much I loved him (even though he heard it 12 million times a day) and I made sure to let him know exactly how he changed my life. I told him all the beautiful and wonderful things about him that I loved and how much I adored his crooked little nose, his black and white spots, and how much his silly personality brought me joy every single day for 3,738 days. I told him that I loved watching him sleep and twitch his eyes. I loved how he greeted me in the mornings with a wet kiss to start my day and how he moaned aloud whenever he wanted me to rub him. I let him know that I loved it when he would slam between my legs and stop short just so I could give him butt scratchies and how he’d stomped his feet when he was mad when I wasn’t giving in to his treat-threats. I let my Max know how he was the first to make me a mom and how he made me a better person.

It was in my anticipatory grief that I saw the beauty of God’s grace and the undeniable peace that surpassed all understanding. It was in those dark days where I didn’t know how I would go on that I found the strength and courage to face yet another day and to embrace the journey and find joy in my moments of pain. If and when you find yourself in those days, know that despite all the pain and grief, you can certainly find joy. The amazingly ridiculous and wonderful thing about having a pet is the fact that after all is said and done and they are bouncing through the grassy pastures over the bridge, we can remember that they were ours and we were theirs. Your unity didn’t happen by happenstance. The grief you feel is because there was a deep bond and love that many non-pet owners will never understand. I hope for you, that when you go through this, you allow yourself time to grieve. Remember to tell your beloved fur family member how much they have meant to you and if you think about it, cut some fur, do those paw prints, and remember the zoomies. Your grief means you loved deep and to me that means a life well lived. Run free Frito feet until we meet again.