Frito Feet and the Run Across the Bridge

When I think of the rainbow bridge, I see a beautiful arch with 6 vibrant rainbow colors. It’s draped over the sky and in the foreground there is this bright white wooden bridge with railings on both sides that, at first, has a slight incline to it. Then, in the middle there is this long stretch where the dogs can pick up speed and then it ends with a steep decline so that when a dog crosses over it, they can take a flying superman leap into the green grass and wildflowers that lie just beyond. I imagine that when their padded Grinch Frito feet hit the ground, butterflies and birds burst into the air and the chase is on! From there, lots of leaping through tall grass and terrorizing squirrels and rabbits commence and the food….. Boy is there food. From the peanut butter stuffed chewies to cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets, to every kind of freeze dried meat possible – the dogs are loving it.

While our beloved dogs are whole, happy, and healed, and doing zoomies over the bridge, we are left behind grieving the loss of our furry family member. Research says that losing a beloved pet can be just as difficult as losing a family member or person that we loved.

According to the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Study, “We forge bonds with our pups that are very comparable to the bonds we form with people. Our brains interpret these bonding activities in the same way; our bodies produce the exact same hormones when we bond with dogs as when we bond with people. This is why your pup begins to feel just like family to you. The same chemical processes are taking place that would if you were speaking to a person and in the case of losing a dog, you have to let go of a creature you have a deep bond with”.

 

I lost my heart dog, Max, last year. He fought a courageous battle with prostate cancer and gained his angel wings at 10 years old. Max was my little love. We don’t have kids and Max and his brother Sammy Lammington are like kids to us. They bring us joy, we hurt when they hurt, and they pretty much own us and run our lives and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

I did a lot of pre-grieving before Max passed away. I would find myself outside in our backyard crying my heart out to God, the deer and to the cranes in the surrounding wheat fields,  wondering how I was going to get through losing him. I didn’t know how. Max had been by my side for a quarter of my life after all and he had seen me through very difficult circumstances. He was my protector, my face licker-offer, and he was my constant shadow for a decade. I pre-grieved losing Max. I would make sure to shed my tears when I was alone so I didn’t upset him or Sammy and would escape to the bathroom or outside whenever I felt overwhelmed or just needed to let it out.

Pre-grieving or anticipatory grief is grief that occurs before death. I had never experienced this before and not everyone experiences anticipatory grief in this way. For the ones that do, they may find themselves on a roller coaster of emotions wondering how the death is going to occur or what to expect. They may find that they experience anxiety about what it is going to be like, and questioning how they are going to go on without their loved one. For me, this is what I experienced the most. I clung to my faith and that is how I was able to get through it but I remember there were days where I would need to focus hour by hour, and even minute by minute, to get through my anticipatory grief.

The thing with pets is sometimes we are dealt the hand of having to make the decision when that final day is going to be. Sometimes we have to help our beloved pet along to cross the rainbow bridge and it’s a decision unlike any other. Most of the time, with people, the decision is out of our hands. But with pets, many of us are left with making that final decision and it can be a difficult one.

One thing that really helped me when pre-grieving Max was being able to do special things that would allow me to remember him after he had passed. I made sure to cut off some of his beautiful black & white fur and tied it with a red ribbon as a keepsake. I put it in a baggy and it sits in my “Max treasure box” along with his favorite toys, puppy teeth and other treasures.

I did paw prints on canvas and took a mold of his nose which I had turned into a key chain so his crooked little nose goes with me everywhere. Something else I did was set up professional pictures to be taken of Max, Sammy, my husband and I so we had family pictures together. The last thing I made sure to do during my pre-grieving was to make sure that I told Max everything I wanted him to know.

I made sure Max knew everything. I told him how much I loved him (even though he heard it 12 million times a day) and I made sure to let him know exactly how he changed my life. I told him all the beautiful and wonderful things about him that I loved and how much I adored his crooked little nose, his black and white spots, and how much his silly personality brought me joy every single day for 3,738 days. I told him that I loved watching him sleep and twitch his eyes. I loved how he greeted me in the mornings with a wet kiss to start my day and how he moaned aloud whenever he wanted me to rub him. I let him know that I loved it when he would slam between my legs and stop short just so I could give him butt scratchies and how he’d stomped his feet when he was mad when I wasn’t giving in to his treat-threats. I let my Max know how he was the first to make me a mom and how he made me a better person.

It was in my anticipatory grief that I saw the beauty of God’s grace and the undeniable peace that surpassed all understanding. It was in those dark days where I didn’t know how I would go on that I found the strength and courage to face yet another day and to embrace the journey and find joy in my moments of pain. If and when you find yourself in those days, know that despite all the pain and grief, you can certainly find joy. The amazingly ridiculous and wonderful thing about having a pet is the fact that after all is said and done and they are bouncing through the grassy pastures over the bridge, we can remember that they were ours and we were theirs. Your unity didn’t happen by happenstance. The grief you feel is because there was a deep bond and love that many non-pet owners will never understand. I hope for you, that when you go through this, you allow yourself time to grieve. Remember to tell your beloved fur family member how much they have meant to you and if you think about it, cut some fur, do those paw prints, and remember the zoomies. Your grief means you loved deep and to me that means a life well lived. Run free Frito feet until we meet again.

 

 

The Waiting Room.......

In the middle of writing this book, God had me in the waiting room. Quite literally. Often times in life, we find ourselves in the waiting room; waiting on a prayer to be answered or waiting for something in life to happen or to see results. So, as we wrap up this devotional, I am going to share a piece of my journey and experience in hopes you can find comfort when you find yourself in the waiting room one day.

Get ready because I am about to talk about boobs. Yep. Boobs. I had my yearly mammogram while I was writing this book and it’s something I don’t take for granted and I make sure I get my routine screening every year (get your boobs squeezed ladies). I have had a few call backs in the past for lumps but this time, things were different. 

In this day and age, technology makes it convenient for us to order food through our phones, to upload videos and pics to the cloud in the matter of moments, and it allows us to get test results while standing in your kitchen while cooking dinner.

This is exactly what happened to me. I was burning.... errrrrr.... cooking dinner and noticed I had a voicemail that I had missed so I listened to it and it was a woman calling me back about my mammogram results. Of course, those calls usually aren't the greatest because your heart instantly drops through your butt because you know it can't be good. When I went to call the office, it was already closed for the day so with the convenience of technology, I logged into MyChart and was able to see my test results. 

As I stood at my kitchen counter with a spatula in hand, I read “7mm assemetry mass left breast”. Have you ever had the kind of experience where time seems to stand still and all noise is cancelled out and you almost feel like you are in this weird dark tunnel and fog? 

That is what it was like.

I'll be honest. My first reaction was not a great one. I instantly started balling my head off. I remember saying the words “No no no no no no no please no” several times and I put my head down on the counter and just cried. 

The year before we had went through a cancer diagnosis with our fur child (heart dog Max that I have talked about a ton in this book) and this year we are in the middle of a global pandemic while the world is amidst COVID-19, so we have been isolated from friends and family for months and are trying to cope with our current world situation and now this. I was instantly crushed and thought “How could this be happening”?!

I know many women get call backs; there are some women that get called back after every single mammogram and so many women in our world have been affected by breast cancer. But how could this be happening to me? I am just trying to cook some squash here.

The funny thing, because I always have to find humor in tough times, is that the week prior, before I even had my mammogram, I was thinking about how when bad things happen in our lives, often times, we yearn for the day before we found out the bad news. I remember when we found out Max had cancer, I yearned for the day before. I yearned for the days when we didn’t know he had cancer and when we didn’t know he was sick and dying; I yearned for those poop eating days where I'd chase off our other dog Sammy who ate poop directly from Max's butt like it was chocolate soft serve. I yearned for the day before and I wanted to find that peace again. 

Life is so simple before we lose our jobs, before the unexpected loss of a loved one, or before we find out in the middle of our kitchen that we have a 7mm mass in our breast.

I couldn’t call to make a new appointment for diagnostic testing until the next day and my husband was working so I couldn't tell him yet so the only other thing I could do was to pray. 

So, I started praying. 

After my first initial freakout full of tears, I felt like God said to me “Remember last year when you weren’t sure how you’d get through losing Max? Well I got you through that didn’t I?”

And He did.

God got me through a very difficult time the year before when I lost my heart dog to prostate cancer and He's gotten me through other tough times in life before. As a matter of fact, my track record for getting through tough stuff so far is 100% and I don't think God is going to start changing things now.

It’s crazy but while I was praying, I started feeling an immediate peace. The more I prayed and processed with God, the more peaceful I felt about this butthole of an intruder that was in my body. I didn't know if it was cancer but it was invading my space and it wasn't welcomed. 

I slept well that night partly thanks to ZQuil but mostly due to God’s peace. The next morning I woke up and before I could even make the call, the breast imaging center was calling me to make my appointment. Unfortunately the earliest appointment was going to be over a week out, which I was like “Hmph. That sucks. But alrighty then”. So I set my appointment and before I hung up, I asked the lady if she could put me on a cancellation list just in case someone cancelled. She softly chuckled and said “Sorry Brenda. We don’t really do cancellation lists because people don’t ever cancel appointments like this”. So with that, my appointment was for the following week.

I went in to let my husband know and within 60 seconds, my phone rang and it was the lady at the breast imagining center and she said “Brenda, you aren’t going to believe this but right after I got off the phone with you, my next phone call was someone cancelling their appointment for tomorrow. I swear this never happens.” All I could do was point to the sky and say “Thank you Jesus”. I have no doubt that was all God. 

I made my way into the bathroom to shower and get my day started and I was putting on my makeup listening to Pandora radio and the song “Waymaker” by Leeland came on.

I had only heard this song a few times before and I had honestly not really paid attention to the words.... until today.  I was really feeling the words that morning. If you have never heard of the song before the chorus lyrics go like this:

"Waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, My God, that is who you are”.

The song just kept repeating that chorus over and over again and I soon found myself singing the words with my arms lifted to the heavens and crying my heart out to Jesus. Wet hair dripping, mascara now running down my face - I was worshiping to the God that created the stars and that knew my name. 

I knew right at that moment that even if my test results was cancer, that God would make good from it.

I had my God goggles on. Now remember, just 2 days prior when I read my test results online, I was not wearing my God goggles. I was steeped over my kitchen countertop crying into my flabby arms. But today, my God goggles were on and I knew that the place where fear meets faith is the place we flourish in our relationship with Jesus.

Fear screams the words “What If” while faith shouts “Even If” and I had experienced the peace that comes from “Even If”. I experienced it the year before when Max passed away and I was experiencing it now. 

After singing my heart out in my bathroom I walked into the living room to grab a t-shirt off my drying rack. A few weeks earlier I had hopped on one of my favorite Christian t-shirt websites and had ordered a few new t-shirts and I had just received them a few days earlier. I opened the bag they came in and just tossed all of them in my washing machine and then hung them on my drying rack to dry. I honestly didn’t even know which shirts I had ordered, bc I remember when I was ordering them online, I was really pressed for time. It was one of those times when my husband was ready to leave the house and he was waiting on me, standing there staring at me; his eyes burning holes in me and his foot tapping away, waiting for me to finish up my online order so instead of me taking my time I just starting clicking away and didn’t even pay attention to which t-shirts I ordered.

So as I went to pick a t-shirt from my drying rack, I grabbed this pretty teal colored shirt and slipped it over my head. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I realized what the words on my shirt read.

They read - “Waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, my God, that is who you are”.

(Insert ugly crying here) I stood there in awe. I looked up and pointed to Jesus and said “I see you God”! 

How amazing is that!?

I continued on throughout the day feeling a peace that goes beyond understanding. With my God goggles on, I was reminded that sometimes God has us go through things in life so that we can show his glory. There are many people in the bible that God used (Paul, Job, and yes, even Judas) to show His glory. Others were able to see God’s power and good came from it. 

Although it’s hard, we need to count our experiences, even our really hard ones, a privilege. God is using us so that others can see Him and in our dark times, we have the opportunity to give our pain a purpose. We have the chance to shine God’s light through our cracks and we are able to comfort others through their pain when they experience a hard journey or difficult time.

The next morning I woke up refreshed and was ready for my appointment. Due to COVID-19, doctor appointments and visits were very different. Husbands and support people weren’t allowed to accompany you and it was limited people in waiting rooms so my husband was not allowed to come in with me.  Colin took the day off work and was going to drive me but he had to sit out in the car and wait (the car which would become his waiting room). 

I walked in and got checked in, and then, well..... I waited. 

I was in waiting room #1.

Normally when I have mammogram appts, I get in right away and they are usually on time but with diagnostic testing, you are at the liberty of special technicians and the others being tested prior to you. Due to COVID, I didn’t want to sit down or touch anything bc I am trying to be careful of germs so I stood near this display of foliage and waited. Ten minutes went by after my appointment time. 

I waited. 

Then, 20 minutes went by, and I continued to wait. 

We were now at 35 minutes past my appointment time and my back started hurting from the weight of my purse on my shoulder and I began shifting in my flip flops as I questioned my choice of shoes. 

COVID-19 has forced us all to wear masks in public so I was focusing on not touching my face or my mask and tried to not focus on how badly I wanted to itch my nose or wipe the snot that was now dripping from it. 

Why was it taking so long? 

Another 20 minutes ticked by and finally after an hour of waiting, they called my name. 

I have to admit, although a little nervous to get these diagnostics done, I felt relieved it was finally my turn.

When you are waiting in the waiting room, all sorts of things cross your mind. You get nervous for the tests themselves, wondering if they will be familiar to you or painful at all. Your mind races with “I wonder what the results will be?” all the while still wanting to rip off this face mask so you can just take in a deep breath that you so desperately want to take. 

The waiting room is usually a place where our patience is tested and our phones keep us busy for me today, I was just trying to keep my God goggles on and I was trying to stay focused on "Even If". 

After getting my clothes switched out, I went in for my first round of testing. I found comfort in the fact that it was the same machine they use on me during routine mammography tests bc that is what I was use to but the compression this time was slightly….. pinchy and way more uncomfortable. Any ladies out there know what I am talking about? 

The technician, kept asking me if I was ok as she dialed down the compression and I kept saying “Yes no problem” bc I wanted her to get the pictures she needed. With a deep breath in, I heard “Hold your breath” and then a bunch of normal familiar beeps, as the machine radiated my breast. A few more dial downs and squeezes, and we were finished and I was led into a different waiting room (waiting room #2) to wait for my results.

As I sat there, I kept on my God goggles. 

I knew that God had gotten me through so much the year prior and I kept reminding myself that it is a privilege to be used by God and that I wanted others to see him through my experience. Something good needed to come out of all this boob squeezing after all.

I was alone in the waiting room; there was no one else around. As I sat there the words “Waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness, my God, that is who you are” raced through my mind. 

I remembered the words “Even if” and clutched my purse as I sat there just waiting.

I texted my husband a few times to let him know my status and I was eager to find out my test results.

My technician soon came around the corner and I braced for the news when I heard her say, “We need to get additional testing done”, as she whisked me off to yet another waiting room (waiting room #3) where I would wait for an ultra sound to be done.

I sat there quietly in a room filled with other ladies that no doubt were there getting tests done just like I was and before my God googles had a chance to slip, I heard my name called and I was whisked away to another room. 

I walked in and saw the table where I would lie down and the ultrasound machine that would inevitably give me my fate. 

I laid down on the table and my technician began her work using her wand while I tried to make small chatter while listening to Luke Bryan in the background on the radio. It seemed like forever as I lied there listening to clicks and computer mouse noises as she moved the wand over this one particular area over and over again.

After about 10 minutes she was finished and then I heard these words come from her mouth.

“Can you just lie here and wait while I show your scans to the doctor? He may want to come in himself to do another scan and to discuss your next course of action” (waiting room #4).

WHAT!? 

What did you just say? Before I could even get words out of my mouth, she was out of the room. 

Everything was silent. Even Luke Bryan had shut his mouth and I heard nothing but my beating heart. 

My God goggles slipped. 

I sat up with my sticky flopped out boob and sat on the edge of the bed and starting taking fast quick breaths under my snotty sweaty mask.

In and out.

In and out.

What did she mean by course of action? 

Why would he have to come back in here and do the scan himself? 

How bad was it? 

What was she seeing and why wasn’t she just telling me? 

Was my initial scan wrong and did she find several more masses? 

Was it in my lymph nodes?

What is happening!!?

Before my God goggles completely fell off my face, I grabbed them, shoved them back on and held them there. 

I repeated to myself “Brenda, God is using you. Even if, he is right here and His glory is going to be seen through you if you only let it. Do not panic. You have gotten through tough things before and even if, God is still my waymaker. He is my 'miracle worker'. God is a 'promise keeper and he’s my light in darkness and He is my God. That is who he is!'

God goggles ON and activated.

I’ve got this but more importantly, I knew God had this. I sat there wishing my husband was in the room with me and thought about how screwed up this whole COVID-19 was that others have to go through this alone, too and then I thought of all the people that have died without their families by their sides. This is such a tough time in the history of our world and people are…….. BOOM! 

The door flies open and in walks my technician. No doctor by her side. She was alone.

I will never forget the words she spoke next. 

“You have a cluster of cysts grouped together. You are fine. We will monitor.”

I was in shock. 

I was so happy! 

I was so relieved! 

I just wanted to get out of that hospital and rip this mask off my face so I could breathe. 

I was so grateful and the first words that came out of my mouth were "Thank God"! 

As I walked down the long hallway, I passed each waiting room I had been in. Looking in on each one, I saw myself sitting there, clutching my purse with my God goggles on. 

I was so grateful for my test results but more grateful for what God had shown me over the past 3 days.

As I walked to my car to drench my hands in hand sanitizer and to tell my husband the good news, I thought about this whole experience. 

I was grateful for it. 

Even more so than the great test results and news, I was grateful God was with me every step of the way and I was grateful for how he grew me during this experience.

Often times we yearn for the “day before”. We want to go back to the day before we knew of bad news where life was just peaceful. 

I think the true test of being a Christ follower is yearning for the "day after". Those moments when God shows you who He is, even if it means going through tough times and experiences to get us there. 

If we can yearn for the "day after" as much as we yearn for the "day before" we will see Jesus in a whole new light. When we put on our God goggles and give purpose to our pain and point others towards Jesus, that is the testament of a life well lived. We allow God to use the "day after" to shape us and mold us and guide us as we move forward. 

May we yearn for that closeness. May we yearn for the peace that we can only get from God when we are beyond the safety of the shore and in deep water where our feet can’t touch and may we yearn for the "day after". 

It’s then, and only then, where God takes our relationship with him and where it flourishes. God can use our waiting room and turn it into something far better and greater than what it is you are actually waiting for if we only let him.

Let's live for the "day after" my friends. 

My Skin Care Routine

So here is the info you've been waiting for!!!!

I know you have been on the edge of your seat!!!!

All the details of my new skin care regime!

Below are the products I ordered.

They may or may not work out for me.

I am being realistic and open to the fact that my skin may fight back and not like them so we will see!!

I will use the charcoal cleansing bar first for a few days and see how my skin likes it and then move on to the day cream from there.

The worst thing you can do is buy a bunch of new product and put it all on at once, bc if you have flare ups or if your face gets irritated, you won't really know which product is doing it.

I ordered a few different products from Crunchi.

Here they are:

Crunchi Charcoal Facial Bar: $24

Crunchi Daylight Facial Cream: $48

Crunchi NightLight Facial Cream: $54 

Once my goodies arrive, I am going to write down the day I started using them to see how long they will last. I want to know what the cost breaks down is going to be.

Then I ordered a Detoxifying mask from TruSelf Organics.

Here are those details:

TruSelf Organics Detoxifying Mask: $19

I am going to try all of this out for a few weeks to see how my skin likes it all. 

I will definitely keep you all posted and then let you know what I decide as I transition on to changing out my cosmetics, cleaners, and other household and personal items!

xoxoxo,

Brenda

You Care! I Care! Let's Talk ABout Skin Care! -Part 4

In my last post I shared with you all a lot of what I learned when it comes to the toxins and chemicals we should look out for in our skin care and also cosmetics. 

In this post, I want to share with you my top picks for ME for skincare and the line I am going to try first.

I say first because skin care is a VERY personalized thing. One size does NOT fit all.

You can choose a clean organic cruelty free vegan line of skin care and it still may not work on your skin. So it's important to go into a new skin care regime understanding that and knowing that you may need to adjust, switch, and change up items and/or brands, depending on the products work on your skin.

It doesn't mean that if it doesn't work with your skin, that the line sucks - it just means you may have sensitive skin to some of the ingredients, which is ok.

I would recommend NOT ordering a full line from 1 particular company right away.

I would order 1 item, use it for a week, see how it works with your skin and if you like the feel and results, and then if you do, move on to ordering another product from that line. This will help you with refunds/returns and not getting frustrated with spending money.

Also, there is NOTHING wrong with using one product from one line and another product from another line. Just remember to look at the ingredients list.


*Side Note: Something I did look at with all of the lines I researched was to look at their return policy. I found that newer companies and lines are more reluctant to give full refunds simply bc they are NEW and may not be able to absorb the cost. This doesn't mean they suck. It is something all brands I am sure go through when launching so just be aware of what the return policy is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My top picks for clean skin care lines are:


1. Crunchi - Crunchi is a toxin free, cruelty free (Leaping Bunny approved) line of cosmetics and skin care. 

Their mission statement straight from their website is "we have set a new standard for cosmetic safety." They are a "revolutionary line of high performance, safe, and toxin-free cosmetics that are redefining beauty."

Their products are made with a "combination of safe, certified-organic, and EcoCert ingredients. and their products contain 70% certified organic ingredients."

Their stance on toxic ingredients is that they simply won't use them. On their website, they even have a Black List of ingredients that they are commmitted to never using in their products.

Their return policy: In store credit ONLY

100% of Crunchi cosmetics are manufactured in the USA.

*They do not use Japanese Honeysuckle - "An antimicrobial preservative used in natural cosmetic products. The Japanese honeysuckle plant naturally contains para-hydroxy benzoic acid (PHBA), which might behave in a very similar way to synthetic parabens (see Parabens) which themselves may mimic estrogen and act as potential hormone (endocrine) system disruptors."

*They do not use Grapefruit Seed Extracts - "An antimicrobial preservative used in cosmetic products. Numerous tests by independent researchers have shown that its antimicrobial properties are due to synthetic preservatives contained in it, not the extract itself. The synthetic preservatives found in GSE include benzalkonium chloride, triclosan, or methylparaben, which are all on our Blacklisted Ingredients list due to toxicity concerns."



2. 100% Pure - 100% Pure is a skin care and cosmetic line that is toxin free and cruelty free (Leaping Bunny approved).

Their mission statement is "We are committed to producing the purest, healthiest products and educating everyone on why being 100% Pure is so important. We strive to live with compassion, kindness, and empathy; to be environmentally sustainable."

All of 100% Pure products adhere to purity standards and do not contain harsh or toxis ingredients. Their pigments are sourced from vegetables, teas, fruits, and cocoa to avoid toxins and heavy metal dyes.

Their return policy: They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. You can return products within 45 days, even if it is partially used, for store credit or a full refund.

Most of 100% Pure products are manufactured in the USA. There are a few product categories that they decided to manufacture abroad since they found the production quality and ingredient sourcing for those items are superior at other manufacturers. These products include:

BB Cream - Made in Italy
Pencil Eye Liners - Made in Germany
Multi-Vitamin + Antioxidants Ultra Riche PM Treatment - Made in Canada
Vegetable Cellulose Masks - Made in China (cruelty-free still!)
Sheet Masks- Made in Korea

*They do use Japanese Honeysuckle & Grapefruit seed extract in some of their products

Bonus: They have a rewards program

Another Bonus: For every order that is placed through 100% Pure, they donate meals to dogs in shelters.

3. TruSelf Organics - TruSelf Organics is an Organic, GMO free, cruelty free (Leaping Bunny Certified) line of skin care. 

Their mission is "no bad stuff including no colorants, artificial fragrances, parabens or harmful chemicals. All of our products are vegan or vegetarian and we never test on animals." 

All products are made in the USA.

Refund Policy: You can return your products within 30 days for a full refund

TruSelf Organics are Leaping Bunny Certified

*Bonus - They have a rewards program

A few other brands that peeked my interest were:

-Young Living
-Sabbatical Beauty
-Beauty Counter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A few websites and pages that REALLY helped me with my research were the following:

1. EWG (Environmental working group)- This page gives average ratings on cosmetics and skin care looking at the ingredients used. It gives a rating of 1-10 (with 10 being the worst). You can plug in a brand or product name and see how it rates.

Thank you Amy Pluth and Wendy Burkhardt for telling me about this page!

https://www.ewg.org/skindeep


2. Empowered Healthy and Beauty - This page is ran by my friend Wendy and she does an excellent job with education about everyday toxins associate with personal care routines, food, and home living. Wendy has helped me so much through this process and living a toxin free lifestyle is a true passion of hers.

Check out her page at: https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=empowered%20health%20and%20beauty%F0%9F%8C%B1&epa=SEARCH_BOX

Whatever you decide you are going to do for skin care, I would say that the most important thing to look for are the ingredients and secondly, and maybe just as important, is your commitment to using your products and keeping your skin clean.

We can go to the grocery store and buy the healthiest foods out there but if they just sit in our fridge and cupboards and we never eat them, they are doing us no good.

The same goes for your skin care routine. You have to be committed to it. 

I hope these past few posts have helped you or at least peeked your interest to look into starting a new skin care routine or maybe checking out what is in your line or investigating new lines that work for you.

I will keep you all updated about what I try, how it works, and what works best for me!

Thanks for following along with me on my skin care journey!


xoxoxo,

Brenda

You Care! I Care! Let's Talk About Skin Care! -Part 3

2020 is the year! This is the year I focus on taking care of me.

That doesn't mean Colin and our dog Sammy have to fend for themselves 😂.....

It just means I am going to work on all the things I have pushed to the back burner.

Skin care is #1 on my list! Second on my list is looking at all of our cleaning products and moving towards "clean & toxin free" cleaning agents.

After that, I want to look into personal care items such as deodorant, hair color, shampoo, etc. All things that soak into and affect our bodies.

The other thing I want to focus on this year is my physical health. I want to lose weight that I have been carrying around with me for years (because I love food) but even more than that, I want to get healthy for myself.

I want to improve my gut health bc I know what goes into my body has a lot to do with my skin issues.

Back in 2017 through 2018, my husband and I focused on emotional healing and improving our mental health because we had left a pretty toxic environment from a church so I personally spent a lot of time healing from many things and investing in my mental health and it was a HUGE thing for me! Sometimes you never really know how toxic an environment is for you until you leave it and step back and it can be such a blessing!

So I am taking that same approach now with my skin care and physical health.

I dove right in this month with researching skin care.

The first thing that was important to me was finding cruelty free companies.

I am an animal lover (as if you couldn't already tell) and I don't want to purchase skin care (or cosmetics) from lines that test on animals (yes I eat meat - let's save that debate for another time 😂 )

So I dove in and started researching skin care lines that were cruelty free.

As I was researching, I didn't really know what else I was looking for in my skin care (besides being cruelty free) so I was very open to suggestions from friends and others. I created a post on FB to see what everyone else was using and then I googled "Best Skin Care Lines 2019", hoping to find a few to pick from.

The more research I did (which holy crap, there is so much to research and look at when it comes to skin care) I started realizing that I needed to narrow down my scope besides being cruelty free bc there are so so many skin care lines out there and it was starting to get seriously overwhelming let alone this process would take me forever.

I started asking myself what was important to me and I knew that getting rid of toxins in make-up and our household cleaners has been a goal of mine.

Also, this past year, Max's cancer diagnosis had opened my eyes to the toxins in our foods and I made a big effort to switch us over to organic foods. Also, the past few years I had done so much work with getting rid of toxic people in my life, so why not go further with getting rid of toxins that I put on my skin, that get absorbed into my bloodstream, and that can affect my health and my family's health?

So I started researching clean skin care lines.

Side note: I am listening to "World News Tonight with David Miur" right now while I am working on this blog and he just had a story on about the toxins in sunscreen 😳

As I started researching clean skin care lines these are a few things that I questioned bc I had no idea where to start. I learned a ton and I thought it would be easier for you if I just wrote down what some of my questions were and the answers I got from my research.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Questions I asked and things I learned:

What makes a skin care line "clean"? This question can go pretty deept but I would summarize a clean skin care line being one that avoids using toxic ingredients, that sources ingredients responsibly, and that keeps the environment in mind.

What toxins should you avoid in skin care? Oh boy. There are so many. If I had to take the top ingredients you should avoid it would be these. I call them the dirty dozen:

Parabens (Methyl, Butyl, Ethyl, Propyl): Parabens are preservatives. If paraben is in the word, you should avoid it. Parabens may contribute to hormonal imbalance and in some studies, research shows that some breast cancer tumors contained 99% parabens.

Phthalates: This is a chemical that is used to increase flexibility and strength of plastics. Names to look for on the ingredient list are: DPB, DEP, or DEHP. Like parabens, phthalates are endocrine disruptors and can cause hormonal and reproductive problems and birth defects.

Polyethylene Glycol or PEG: This ingredient is used as a thickner. The problem with this ingredient is  the process to create PEGs involves using ethylene oxide and 1.4-dioxane; both which are substances that are strong pollutants.  

Formaldehyde: This is a preservative and known carcinogen. It is used in buiding materials and is used in many household products. It has been linked to asthma, neurotoxicity, and developmental toxicity.

Mineral Oil: A petroleum by-product that coats the skin like plastic and clogs pores. This ingredient is very harmful bc it doesn't allow the skin to eliminate toxins. There is sufficient evidence in humans for the carcinogenicity of untreated mineral oils. Untreated mineral oils (or even mildly treated mineral oil) can cause skin cancer.   

Siloxanes: It is used to soften, moisten, and smooth. Look for words ending in "siloxane" or "methicone". It's an endocrine disruptor and reproductive toxin. It is harmful to fish and wildlife so why would it not be harmful to us.

Propylene Glycol (PG): This is found in thousands of cosmetics and in processed foods. It is also a common ingredient in E-Cigs and is an ingredient in anti-freeze and paint. The FDA says it is "generally safe". Research shows if exposed to the eyes and facial areas, PG can cause irritation and cause mild conjunctivitis. It is also potentially toxis to our kidneys and liver. It is not safe for infants or pregnant women.

Triclosan: This is a synthetic anti-bacterial agent once used in anti-bacterial soap. In 2016, it was banned from soap using in health-care settings but it is still used in skin care and cosmetics. This is an endocrine disruptor and studies show it contributes to gut inflammation. In studies with mice it has also promoted tumor growth. It may disrupt thyroid function as well.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) or Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLES): These are foaming agents used in a ton of products. They are surfactants that can cause skin irritation or trigger allergies.

Artificial or Synthetic Frangrance: Companies and manufacturers are not required to revea what is in their fragrances so a lot of times you will just see "Fragrance" on the ingredient list. There could be hundreds of different ingredients and toxins that fall under "Fragrance" which could be full of carcinogens, allergens, endocrine disruptors and other irritants.

I decided to add in one more ingredient to my list (which makes this more of a Baker's Dozen List!) because it is bad bad bad.

Talc: Talc or Talcum powder is in the same family as asbestos. Research has linked talc to ovarian cancer and is believed to be a lung irritant and carcinogen.


The scary thing is I only named 13 and there are so many more!! 


Heavy Metals to avoid: Lead, Mercury, Arsenic, and Aluminum (just to name a few).


What terms or phrases are regulated? Lack of regulation is a huge issue in cosmetics and skin care. There is close to zero federal regulation on cosmetics and skin care in the U.S. and the FDA only regulates certain things like false advertising or branding. One study I found said that there are over 1,300 chemicals banned in Eurpoean countries due to being unsafe and in the U.S. only 11 of those chemicals are banned. 😳

Another SHOCKING fact about no regulation: The word "Natural" means NOTHING when it comes to cosmetics or skin care. It is a marketing ploy to make you think it is good for you. The word "Natural" in skin care or cosmetics is not regulated at all which means a product that says "Natural" on it can have as many toxins in it as it wants. There are no regulations.

When it comes to cosmetics and skin care, the ONLY way for you to know that you are using a toxin free line is by doing research yourself and reading ingredients (but don't be fooled bc companies can pull the wool over your eyes here, too. Some companies only list "key ingredients" so they don't have to tell you all the other crap they are putting in your skin care. Other companies may list "fragrance" in their ingredients but they could be using hundreds (literally hundreds) of toxic ingredients and shove it under the term "frangrance". You would never know.

So as I was doing my research and coming across all of these toxins and ingredients I should avoid, I started coming across skin care lines that I liked.

When looking at skin care lines I looked at:

-Ingredients first and foremost
-Where they source their ingredients from
-Organic ingredients (this was not a MUST have for me but I prefer it)
-Consistency with ingredients
-Cruelty Free (Leaping Bunny Approved is even better for me)
-Packaging (whether they are green)
-The "Our Story" part of the company. Who are they? What is their mission? The why.
-I looked at pricing but honestly it was the last thing on my list


Again, there is so much research to do and I probably have over 60 hours of research done on both ingredients and lines so I am hoping I can help you through this blog.

Remember, knowing the dirt will help you stay away from the dirt. 

In my next post I will share a few of my top skin care lines with you all and let you know a FB page that has really helped me along with what I am going to use.


Thanks for joining me on this skin care journey!

xoxoxo,
Brenda

You Care! I Care! Let's Talk About Skin Care! ~Part 2

So if you know me, you know I research EVERYTHING!

When our dog, Max, got cancer, I spent months researching everything possible about canine cancer, food regimes, supplements, treatments, etc.

For me, when I educate myself in something I can make better choices for my family, do better for them and be a better version of me.

So, after spending most of 2019 taking care of my family and my sweet Max, I decided 2020 was going to be an investment in me, because honestly, it needs to be.

I have always been the person that does so much for others but I tend to neglect myself.

I am the person you want around if you are in the middle of the ocean with only 1 life vest bc I will give it to you.

It was in 2019,  that things really hit home for my husband and I.

My husband, Colin, found out he needed to have heart surgery. He had a condition called Wolff Parkinson White and he needed to have a procedure done where a doctor went in through an artery with a burning hot wand and cauterized the extra electrical pathways in his heart. 😳

What the heck!

Then, our beloved fur boy, Max, was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

So, needless to say, my year was VERY focused on taking care of them, spending the time we had left with our fur boy, and then seeing Colin through his procedure.

I cancelled all of my doctor appts, an appt I had made with a dermatologist to try and get some answers about my changing skin issues, I put off my mammogram, a vein procedure I had been waiting to have, physicals etc.

There were so many other needs that came before mine and that included my dreaded oily dry crappy big pore ever growing skin issues.

In 2019, time was my friend in regards to spending quality time with my family but it was NOT my friend when it came to taking care of myself.

Once Max passed away at the end of October, I looked at the next 2 months and filled in every single day with things that NEEDED to get done. It was a race against the clock - LITERALLY.

Since Colin had his heart surgery, our deductible was met for the year so all of those appts I had brushed off needed to get scheduled and done if I wanted to take advantage of our deductible being met.

I had to schedule 2 physicals, a liver specialist appt, a mammogram, and try to get 2 vein procedures approved through my insurance (which we all know can be near impossible) and SCHEDULE both vein procedures and have them DONE by 12/31/19.

Oh and also..... we volunteered to host our family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and NYE this year.

Hi. My name is Brenda..... and I can do this!

But, did you notice the one thing I left off my list?

My skin care needs.

I was putting that off again!

I worked feverishly through November and December to get all of those appts made, scheduled and done bc I was a woman racing the clock!

Well.....

Are you wondering if I made it?!

I did!

I managed to get all of those appts scheduled and made - even my TWO vein procedures - one which was 3 days before Thanksgiving and the other 2 days before Christmas. 

And yes... we still hosted for the holidays and yes I cooked. :) 

I promised myself that once 2020 hit, one of the FIRST things I was going to do was my skin care research.

I promised that it was time to take control of this dry flaky and oily skin and make a change and invest in my body! 

So, that's exactly what I did. 

2020 is the year of change for me. 

In 2020 I will stop putting off the things that I have wanted to do for myself and my family and make it happen.

And it all starts with skin care.

Continue on with me to see where my research has taken me ......

Come on.... Let's GO!

xoxo,

Brenda

You Care! I Care! Let's Talk About Skin Care! -Part 1

I am old.

Well ok. That is being a bit dramatic.

Let me start over.

I am old. 😂

This picture is the last time my skin looked good.

(can you find me?) :)

Ok. Ok. I am being dramatic.

I have actually never really struggled with my skin except for a freak breakout on my forehead in the 7th grade most likely from using too much Aussie hair spray to make my bangs sky high. My forehead looked like a map of constellations for about half the year. Thank goodness for all those bangs.

Life went on and so did I with my very intense skin care regime of ..... Dove soap.

Yep.

Dove. Soap.

I didn't have any issues in my 20's or even 30's. My skin was bright. My pores were small to insignificant and I never had tired looking eyes.

Then I got married.

LOL! Just kidding!

Nothing changed with my skin then either.

All was still good!

The picture above was in -6 degree weather when Colin and I were in Flint, Mi passing out water to Flint residents days after news broke of lead in the water. See.... no dry areas and no pores.

Beautiful skin.

Then, in my late 30's, I started noticing dry spots around my mouth and nose area.

When I was out and about, if I'd see dry areas on my face, I would just do the lick and stick.

Ya know.

The lick and stick.

Yep. I would lick my finger, wipe my spit on those dry areas and VOILA! No more dry patches! Easy peezy! (insert eye roll here)

Oh boy.

Then, when I hit 40, I decided that I needed to stop the lick and stick and get control of this dryness.

So, I went to Sephora and talked with one of their amazing hourly employees (no offense intended) who directed me to Korres products. So I bought Korres Yoghurt face moisturizer and VOILA! It worked!

No more dry areas!

Of course, I had to use it daily bc I would always wake up with dryness every morning but at least I wasn't using my own spit anymore.

So I continued to use Korres.

Little did I know I was only masking the problems instead of the actual issue.

It is like taking cough medicine to lessen cold symptoms rather than taking vitamins and supplements BEFORE you actually get sick.

I wasn't helping my skin issues. I was masking my issues.

And I continued to for several more years.

I went from dry skin around my mouth so this weird dry patch on my right eye lid and then when I turned 42, my skin went from dry patches to a combination of oily skin.

Oily skin!

I will never forget when the oily skin issue started.

My husband and I were driving home from a Jim Gaffigan show (he's an amazing comedian) and I was driving and I remember asking Colin to pass me a tissue or napkin or ANYTHING that I could use to wipe my face off.

I could feel the oil seeping from my skin and I didn't understand it but I knew my face needed cleaned STAT.

While all of this was happening, I started seeing my pores enlarge and now I joke that I have pores large enough to serve dip out of.

I realized that I needed to stop trying to mask my symptoms and take care of the reason it is happening in the first place.

There are a few different sides to skin care.

#1 What you are actually putting on your face and your skin care regime itself

and

#2 Gut health and what you are putting in your body.

I am diving into both this year so I can have better skin and be a healthier me.

It won't happen over night.

I can't stop aging. None of us can.

But I can be a healthier version of me and I can make changes that will help.

I already have more than 60 hours of research in and I am not gonna stop.

You are busy so hopefully reading my blog will help you, too.

Stay tuned for my skin care picks and to hear what I am learning.

Thanks for coming along on this ride with me!

xoxo,
Brenda